First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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