Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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