Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
