call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize