it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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