Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
