I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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