How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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