remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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