forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
