it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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