that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize