i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
