your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
