He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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