I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
