I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
