I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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