Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
