It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
