So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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