i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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