Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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