Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
