I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
