you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Watching her eat just hurts me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
