I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We are two peas in an std pod
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
