mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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