I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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