Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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