Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
