Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
