My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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