you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
