I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
