yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
