I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
