I can't watch pbs sober anymore
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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