life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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