wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So much Jack, so little girl.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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