Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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