I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You ruined the universe
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
