I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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