I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
