yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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