Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
