There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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