I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
