dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
