he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
