just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
this must be what syphilis tastes like
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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