Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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