weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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