Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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