I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
