eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm bleeding and have questions
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize