hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
