id be glad to
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
