Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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