I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
