Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize