on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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