You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
