I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
