I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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