I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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