i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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