You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize