just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
